was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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