She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
