I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
