she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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