So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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