It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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