That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
