Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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