I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
