A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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