Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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