Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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