New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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