You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
