Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
