I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The uberlube is also flammable
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
