First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
