Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
