If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
