i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize