Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she pinky promised me she was 18
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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