What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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