Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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