Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
