well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
