I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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