Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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