so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
