I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
