Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
