is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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