i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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