After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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