3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
