I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
