I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
