how can u be prego again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
