I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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