She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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