Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
