Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
