dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I pour the whiskey from now on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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