Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
