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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Ew, and?!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?

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• (585): View more from New York

  Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth

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