Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
