I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
