When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.