trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Found the puke drawer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets