Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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