I just made out with a guy for $7.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"