Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".