My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.