I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
