who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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