Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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