whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
