I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
