all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
