I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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