Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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