ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
