My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
