I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
