I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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