I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
