Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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