You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
