My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
