I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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