You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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