HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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