whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
