if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
