i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
