I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Randomize
