it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
