My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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