i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
