She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
